“When something small feels big, it’s usually not about the small things. Not everything you feel started today.”
Have you ever had a reaction that didn’t match what just happened?
Someone says something small, or responds in a way you didn’t expect, and something in you shifts. Sometimes it shows. Sometimes it doesn’t. But you feel it. It hits a nerve, it feels personal, even if it wasn’t meant that way. And it stays with you.
I know that feeling. Someone makes an offhand comment that I know, intellectually wasn’t meant to harm. But it lands in the middle of my chest like a punch. I’m not a flight, fawn or freeze type person. I fly hot. My instinct is to fight, and I have to stop myself from verbally attacking the person.
Instead, I continue doing whatever I was doing when the comment was made. And I breathe into the heavy, black ball sitting inside my chest until it dissolves. Later I try to understand why the comment triggered me.
It must have touched something that was already there.
Some experiences don’t disappear. They stay with you. And when something feels even slightly familiar, your body responds. When you react in a way you can’t explain, it’s probably not just about the present moment.
I’ve learned to pause and tune into what’s going on in my body and my emotions. Something triggered my nervous system, and I want to know why. Where did this come from? How did it get stuck?
When I stay with it instead of brushing it off or trying to push it away, it starts to make sense. Not always right away, but enough to see that I’m not reacting for no reason.
There’s something underneath it. Something older. Something that didn’t get a chance to be felt all the way through when it first happened.
Sometimes, I figure it out. Sometimes I don’t, but I do get the heavy feeling off me.
When you pause and tune in you start to realize that your response makes sense, even if you don’t fully understand it yet. You don’t have to force that understanding. It comes when you’re ready.
You’re not trying to become someone who doesn’t feel things. You’re learning how to stay with yourself and understand what you’re feeling.
“Overreacting” is really just an ugly word that dismisses what comes naturally to some of us who’ve made it to the other side of the fire. Your reaction is just that. It’s not over or under. It’s your norm.
Just try to understand. And be gentle with yourself.
Be Blessed,
This reflection was also shared on my Substack, Heart of Healing
